Losing my dad
My dad, Stephen Pomeroy, died yesterday.
He was kind, loyal, funny, devoted, talented, hard-working, and a genuinely good person. He died of kidney failure after a day in hospice - a peaceful way to go, without dragging it out. I can’t believe he is actually gone but he is with me in so many ways (not just the big ears).
He taught me how to tie my shoes, how to drive, what’s really right and wrong, and how to love life. He showed me that a real man can express their full love without a shred of shame or fear, he can dance to the music at the end of the credits in a movie theater, he can stand up for himself and others, and he can most definitely march to the beat of his own drum.
He traveled the world playing in the Army band, made friends everywhere he went, and was the life of many a party.
He was always on the sidelines of my sports games throughout middle and high school and even once wore a custom made iron-on shirt with my name on it. He picked me up from practice every day and drove me home to my mom’s house giving us a small slice of the day to talk and connect.
In college, the distance and life’s hectic schedule pulled us apart. Adjusting to my gender transition was a struggle at first, enough that I made the decision to change my last name when I changed my first. I know that that hurt him more than I knew it would.
He made mistakes and lived his life on his own terms. He admired those who could give up drinking but could never imagine his life in sobriety.
My journey has been learning to love the father I had, not the ideal perfect father I thought I wanted. Over the last few years our relationship deepened and I’m incredibly grateful for the time we had to talk about life and the lessons he learned. He was not afraid to tell me how much he loved me and how proud he was of the person I became. And I know he died knowing he was loved and appreciated and that is all I can ask for.
Rest in peace, Snap.
